Another trip around the sun without you, BJ. How do we ever learn to keep on living after losing someone that is part of us? It’s that question and so many more, when you lose your child, your sibling, someone so young when they are taken from us. We struggle to understand. We struggle to accept. We struggle to find reasons to get up, get dressed, and meet the day. BJ, that is what I have done every single day; it’s my mom motto post child death…Get up, get dressed, meet the day. I knew immediately that is what BJ would want me to do…although, it would have been so easy to stay in bed and not face the day.
I promised to keep your memory alive,
and I do, to never forget (I mean, there is NO forgetting you!), and to always
say, “3” when someone asks how many kids I have and to elaborate with, “two are
adults and one died xxx years ago.” Of course, that then means I usually get, “I’m
so sorry, I didn’t know” of which I politely respond, “oh, I know and it’s ok,
I’ve learned to live through the grief, and I know he’s always with me. I still
have two amazing sons, four grands, and tons of family and friends that keep my
life full.” That always removes the awkwardness the question brought about.
Seven years ago, I just couldn’t
answer those questions or fathom how we would get through this. Today, I do
every day…I answer with dignity and love, I reach out when I know someone has
lost their child to offer support or sit in silence, I mention his name in
casual conversations, I share his stories (and there are a lot of them!), and I
share my story. My story is different than his dad’s story, different than
either of his brother’s stories, different than his daughter’s story…it’s
different than any other griever’s story. It’s unique to me and my relationship
with my son. Everyone uniquely goes through grief. The hard part is learning
not to get stuck in the process. To keep a good focus on your life and love for
others. To get up, get dressed, and meet each day. I am not saying that is easy.
In fact, it is quite the opposite. It takes willpower and a desire to not let
yourself die when they die. If you are reading this and you have lost someone
dear to you, no matter their age or your age, you know exactly what I mean.
Today (and everyday), I choose to
celebrate a wonderful man that died too soon, a son that brought laughter,
love, and even some heartache to my life, a child that taught me how to be a
mom and love unconditionally. I also celebrate two other sons that bring love,
strength, and joy to my life, that keep me going every single day, and that are
the focus of why I didn’t stop living seven years ago when my world crashed.
You see, I celebrate all three of my sons, every day because even though one died,
he is still with me, and the other two still need me.
