It’s quickly approaching…Mother’s Day and your birthday. 38 years ago, on this day, was my “due date” and Mother’s Day…all rolled into one. Apparently, you didn’t know you were “due” to arrive and held hostage inside my womb another six days. Our labor was not an easy one, but the excitement of your arrival outweighed all the pain and anxiety of the previous 15 hours. I held you in my arms and new in an instant; this is love.
I’ve said many times, “you were the first to teach me “unconditional love”” and it’s true. This morning, I was reading a school paper Dillon had to write. It was his opinion of what makes a good parent. He didn’t know, but I was a bit choked up reading the first sentence and then felt blessed as I read the second sentence and felt accomplished as I read the remainder of “his” words:
I think a good parent looks like my
mom. The reason I think this is she loves me unconditionally, no matter what.
She loves me even when I’m mean or uncooperative. She doesn’t protect me too much;
she lets me learn from my own downfalls and encourages me to be better. She is
always there for me in every circumstance and always makes time for me.
I think we all strive to be “good” parents. For some it is more challenging and sometimes the child is more challenging, but I feel God puts us together to teach us humility, grace, and strength. We all have the ability to grow in our parent/child relationships; parents and children. If I were asked to give one piece of advice to a new parent, hands down…it would be…unconditional love. Always show your child they are loved…no matter what. You are their “teacher of life”. Are you teaching them to be the kind of person or parent you want them to grow up to be? Are you teaching them to own their mistakes and learn from them? Are you teaching them to be humble and know when they need to apologize for their wrongdoing? As parents, as humans…we are not perfect. We all make mistakes and most of us learn as we go.
This Mother’s Day, I chose to celebrate my mother who is now in Heaven and the life lessons she taught me as a parent. I won’t lie, some of the things she taught me was what I didn’t want to do or what I might change as a parent. What she taught me is that it was ok to make those changes and be the kind of parent that I thought a person should be. I suspect and expect my children to do the same…take what I have taught them and transform it to their own kind of parent.
I celebrate each of my children this weekend as they each taught me differently as a parent. In addition to unconditional love, BJ taught me that it was ok to make mistakes as a parent…I learned as I went. Bryan taught me that there are limits to spoiling your youngest and to know when those limits are reached; parent before friend and unconditional love above all else. I thought I had parenting in the bag when Dillon came along twenty years later. That is when I learned the depths of my strength as a parent. The first ten years, I co-parented with his father across town; sometimes it was good and sometimes it was tumultuous, but it was always for Dillon first. But it was nearly five years ago, I had to dig really deep to tell my son his father was dying and learn to co-parent with his father in Heaven. I’m lucky to co-parent with two fathers in Heaven. I’ve learned to take time to make decisions and ask myself, “what would Rich want? How would Rich handle this?” Mostly, I pray a LOT and ask our Father, “What do I do now? What is best for Dillon in this moment, in this situation?” And, then I listen…
Happy Mother’s Day to the moms in
Heaven this year and prayers to the kids that are missing you.
Happy Mother’s Day to the moms of my
grandchildren; thank you for giving life to them and giving me another person
to love unconditionally.
Happy Mother’s Day to all the new moms
celebrating their first Mother’s Day; cherish the next 18 years.
Happy Mother’s Day to the moms with a
child in Heaven. Don’t be too consumed with that loss to recognize the children
you still have on Earth and that they still need you; no matter their age.
Happy Mother’s Day to all the rest of
the moms (that I didn’t categorize 😊). You deserve a day of honor, love, and lots
of flowers!
