Her Journey Begins

Loss happens and grief ensues. That is just the process of life. What we never expect is to lose a child. After all, parents are supposed to die first; aren’t they? Some of us learn the hard way, that isn’t always how it happens.

Just over four years ago, I moved into my forever home and soon after met this lovely lady that lived right behind me. We chatted from her deck to my yard. She watched as I transformed a sea of weeds and overgrown plants into my garden oasis. We had a friendly and unsaid battle of solar lights! Eventually, we even had her grandson put steps from my garden to her space, so we could easily visit one another. She admired my Memorial Garden and was compassionate about the loss of BJ. What Shayla didn’t know then, is that she would endure the unimaginable and become part of this group that no parent wants to.

Shayla lost her son, one month ago today, in a motorcycle accident, and now her journey really begins. Today is the “first” of many firsts…first month without Ryan. She will count every single “month” until it is the First Year since he’s been gone. The first year is the most brutal. First this, first that, and it all just sucks and fills our eyes with tears…with every damn first. I never met Ryan, just like she never met BJ, but we know one another and understand the pain the other is going through. Today I am not only Remembering BJ, but I am also remembering Ryan. I will remember that because you are gone, my friend needs me. I will remember that because you are gone, others are grieving and trying to find their new normal. I will remember that because you are gone, I have learned to mentor someone through her first few weeks of grief.

My sweet Shayla, I cannot say this gets easier because in all honesty, it doesn’t. We do learn to live the new version of our life, where we hold our son in our heart and not in our arms. You will notice things that never caught your attention before. For me it is seeing “BJ” on a license plate or sign. Just seeing that melts my heart. I see BJ in both of his brothers, his daughter, and his nephew. His spirit lives on in many ways, and Ryan’s will too. Take the time to notice the small things, give grace to others that are grieving, and allowing yourself to cry when you need to, laugh at something he once said or did, and above all else…take care of you. You will be headed home soon and there will be days of silence. Cry when you want, reflect when you can, but take care of you.

Although we remember the ones we lose, don’t forget to love the ones we have.