Drivin' Around Song

BJ loved a lot of things and I have shared a lot of that with you; beer, bacon, bonfires, and BBQ’s...family, friends, and most of all his precious little girl. BJ really loved life and lived it to the fullest and with a lot of zest. He loved “his” music and liked to share it with others. Since his passing I have found myself with a yearning to listen to his music on occasion; I think it makes me feel close to him, but it for sure makes me feel good when I listen to it. Today’s song of choice: Colt Ford’s “Driving Around Song.” I can picture BJ driving around, windows down, thumping to his music, and mostly I can picture that beautiful smile of his as he listens to his music. It made him feel good too!

Today I simply say…while you are working through your new you without your loved one, there are no rules, do whatever can bring a glimpse of joy in your heart and put a smile on your face. Today…for me...it’s BJ’s music. I hope you enjoy and feel joy in your heart!

Eighteen Months...

William “BJ” McCormick Jr.

Eighteen months

1 year, 6 months

78 weeks, 1 day

547 days

That’s how long you’ve been gone.

It’s numbing and mind boggling to type these statistics. Every day since you’ve been gone means something to me. It means we have lived one more day without you on earth and we are one day closer to being with you again. I close my eyes and I can vividly see you, I can hear your voice, and I feel your presence with me. It seems like yesterday that you were sitting in my living room and yet it seems like forever since I hugged you. I miss you so much. I count the days, weeks, months, and now years since you’ve been gone. I can’t help it. My heart aches to have you with us again and at the very same time I rejoice to know you received God’s grace. I smile to know you were set free.

As I was driving yesterday I heard a song I have heard a hundred times, (Come to the Table, by Sidewalk Prophets) but this time it was different. I could imagine you coming to the table, sitting with the sinners, sitting next to the Savior, and being set free.

“Come to the table
Come join the sinners who have been redeemed
Take your place beside the Savior
Sit down and be set free”

Eighteen months ago you died. Eighteen months ago you were saved. Eighteen months ago I lost you. Eighteen months ago I began my journey. Eighteen months ago I wept. Today I still weep, but I am stronger and my faith is deeper. Eighteen months…seems like an eternity and a blink of an eye. I miss you every day, son, but I’m so happy that your soul was set free.

Comfort Through Silliness

I’m not on Facebook nearly as much as I once was; I don’t know if my life has other priorities or I’ve been too busy the past few months with work. Regardless, today as I found myself perusing the pages I came across a friends post that was a message from a loved one that is no longer with us. Yes, it was one of those silly FB games…you know, like who are your drunken friends, what would your cowboy name be, etc. Sometimes I click on them just for fun and once in a while I even post them, but usually I smile and just close the window and go back to reading posts. What I loved about this particular post of Sheelah’s is what she wrote, “BS or not sometimes I miss them so much even a click on Facebook helps comfort the heart 💜.” If you have experienced grief, you totally understand this. So, I found myself clicking the picture and filling in BJ’s name under “who do you want to hear from”? As I read the words I sobbed; how completely true they were. The only thing I would have changed would be “mom” instead of “Peggy”.  (So, I did!) Even though I didn’t post the message, I kept a snip of it and felt the urge to write this blog post around that message.

Even though I know this is computer generated, it is exactly what I needed in exactly that moment. Knowing where BJ is, I can imagine him saying this to me now. I think he would be proud of the way we (not just me) honor him and his memory. I know he would be pleased that each of us have continued living our lives beautifully, even though his ended. He would not want me to feel alone and he continually sends me reminders that he isn’t far and will always be by my side, and that gives me strength in my time of need. 

It seems like each time I have been on FB in recent weeks someone I know has lost a loved one and it breaks my heart because I know what lies ahead for them. Some have lost a parent, some have lost a friend, but they have all lost someone that was near and dear to their heart. It is abundantly clear that as we get older we are going to lose people we love. Oh, how simpler life when we were younger now seems. No matter your age, no matter who you’ve lost or what you’ve lost; remember that you are not alone and even on the unbearable and painstaking days you will get through it…you will make your way through your journey of grief. God Bless you and your loved ones. Stay strong and weep whenever you need to; it will help.

For the love of BACON!

        

It was a crazy, hectic week for me as I completed one more conference this year and the final one I had to be onsite at this spring…and BJ “popped” up daily! There is this one guy at this particular conference that I think loves bacon as much as BJ did! In fact, on his registration where the attendees can list dietary restrictions, he selected “other” and wrote in “bacon for every meal please”. And, even though I know he was just kidding I could have seen BJ doing that same thing. There was bacon for breakfast, bacon in the potato salad, and bacon on the Brussel Sprouts. Although I fully realize BJ would not have liked any “green stuff” (his reference to “veggies”) with his bacon, he likely would have picked some out to enjoy!

I was driving back this morning from taking Dillon to school while reminiscing these thoughts, which lead me to the remembrance of the “bacon themed appetizers” we honored him with at his Celebration of Life and how he would have thought that was “his” perfect celebration…bacon in the cookies, bacon wrapped jalapenos, and bacon deviled eggs (to name a few).  Thinking of his love of bacon this morning, I couldn’t help but recall the stories he would share with me. Because his wife didn’t like bacon, she also could not stand the smell of bacon, so BJ had an old pan and when he wanted bacon he had to cook it outside on the BBQ grill. He also shared stories of cooking it inside when she was gone on a trip, but planned it out so the smell would be gone by the time she arrived back home. When they were coming to the valley, the stayed at my house; so the few years Bryan and I shared a home I was blessed to have my whole family under one roof. We celebrated many holidays together and enjoyed many weekend visits. When we knew they were coming to town to stay, Bryan would be off to the store to buy a couple pounds of bacon so that he could enjoy bacon with his big brother and because he knew a pound was needed just for BJ! I knew Carrie finally caught on to Bryan’s shenanigans when she texted ahead of time to ask if I could have some turkey bacon for her.  J

Or my other favorite bacon story...He ordered a bacon cheeseburger from McDonald's (I think) and said "no veggies." The waitress then asked, "so, do you want the bacon?" BJ was like...when did a pig become a vegetable?  I think he was in disbelief that someone would ask that! LOL

These are the memories that have filled my heart and bacon is just one little trigger that reminds me hugely of my son. Never underestimate someone’s presence in your life or what their little triggers might be in your heart or what triggers you are leaving in theirs. 

Good Friday

By God’s Grace

It is by God’s Grace that my son is in Heaven. You see, he did not walk a life of Christianity or show of a relationship with the Lord. Yes, he did have a good and giving heart, but like you and me and everyone walking this earth he was a sinner. He did not claim to know Jesus and sometimes he claimed the opposite, although less often his later years. He was surrounded by Jesus through many of his close relationships; whether he knew it or not. There were times when we would talk during a moment of crisis in my life and his final words during those conversations would be, “Mom, this is where I need to tell you to pray to your God.” I believe that is where he knew I would find the peace I was seeking in those moments and he knew my faith to be strong.

I have had many blessings in my life; even when I didn’t walk with the Lord. I was blessed to be a wife and experience the unity of marriage for nearly 20 years. I am blessed to be a mother; not once, not twice, but three times and the third came with a 20-year span between number 2 and 3. I am blessed to be a grandmother to wonderful boys and girls that I cherish. I am blessed to be a daughter of the Lord and to my mom and dad who are now with the Lord. I am blessed to be a sister, an aunt, a cousin, a niece, etc. etc. I consider each of these things a blessing; everyone should. Eight years ago this past February, I was blessed with the first of two miracle healings and my battle with Fibromyalgia and Depression ended. Three and a half years ago I walked out of Church without crutches as I was blessed with my second miracle healing only to begin the toughest journey of my life; 14 days later my youngest son would lose his father and two years later we would lose BJ. The greatest blessing God has given me was the grace he gave BJ on October 20, 2016 when he took him Home with Him. To know that my son was saved and is waiting for us is the greatest of all blessings.

It is important to see the blessings in the turmoil, see the grace in the tragedy, and lean towards God through the pain. How easy it is to turn our back on God when we are angry or upset, but that is exactly when we should turn to Him. To be a Christian does not mean that life is all sunshine and lollipops. We all suffer; believers and nonbelievers. Having faith is staying strong during the difficult times so you can enjoy the glorious times. You all know I have suffered as I have been sharing my journey. There has even been Friday mornings, like today, that I wake up and realize I haven’t written my post and I have no idea what to write or how I’ve been feeling. I haven’t had time to digest my feelings, I’ve been buried (no pun intended) in work for the past three months. But nonetheless, it is Forget You Not Friday and regardless of what is going on in my life it is the day I choose to honor and dedicate to my son EVERY week. Not once in a while or it won’t matter if I miss a week…EVERY week, Friday’s belong to BJ. The words don’t always come easy and I might stumble on them, but I won’t forget to write. On these days, I sit quietly and I ask God to let me know what I am supposed to share today, what my message is, and to give me the words to write. I know my prayer is answered each time as I sit down to my computer and I immediately know what to share and what message to relay as the words start flowing, and about half way in…the tears start flowing. At that moment, I thank God because I know I am writing from my heart and He knew what I needed to share and that I needed to release some tears.

On this Good Friday, March 30, 2018, count your blessings and know “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” John 3:16