So Much to Remember

I woke up after about a 12-hour nap, grabbed my coffee and then my computer to relax before working today. As I sat down to relax for a few minutes and catch up on “my” world news, I was horrified to see the first thing pop-up on my laptop…”Post to BJ’s Blog”!!! OMGosh, NOOOOOOOOOOOO! How could I possibly forget to post to his blog yesterday…Forget You Not Friday, his day!? What’s done is done, so here I am on Saturday writing what was intended for yesterday. But first, let me tell you…

I’ve shared that for a little over a year I was dealing with Frozen Shoulder and Shoulder Impingement. I spent this past July in physical therapy and during my last visit, I recall telling the therapist that I had been having quite a few headaches recently and wasn’t sure if it was the heat, after effects of PT, or just what. She worked with me and noticed that my head was not in good alignment with my shoulders, (which should’ve been my first clue to go to the chiropractor), so I have been doing some exercises for that. Well my friends, (you are all my friends, right?! Lol) the headaches have been coming and going…every few days. I still don’t know why, but I have been doing anything and everything to keep them at bay; all-natural muscle relaxers at night, essential oils, Salonpas, heating pad, ice, Epsom baths, and this week, I added Turmeric to my regimen. This week, the only two days I did not have a headache were Tuesday and Wednesday. Some end up so debilitating I have to lay down for a while. Yesterday, I decided it had been far too long since I had been to the chiropractor and could feel the knots and restrictions in my neck and shoulders. OMGosh…I sounded like a bag of popcorn in the microwave on high heat!!! I couldn’t believe just how far out of adjustment my upper body was, and I was thankful for the relief. I came home, took a hot Epsom bath and retired to my room to rest for a while. Little did I know I would fall asleep, miss my post, and wake up Saturday morning. So, there you have it. The reason I missed #ForgetYOUnotFriday post; because life is life and we are human, and grief takes a toll on our body…mentally, emotionally, AND physically! So, if you forget, don’t be too hard on yourself…what’s done is done. Give yourself a break and move-on.

I was giving thought throughout the week to my post, I kept thinking, “One minute he was here and the next minute he was gone. One minute my world was normal and the next minute it was changed forever.” You might see me and think, “gosh, she’s doing really great.” Of course, I am! At the same time, I am crying inside. I have grieved, and I am still grieving, but I am also living life. It’s ok to have fun and do normal things; it is not being disrespectful to the one(s) you lost. In my opinion, it is respectful of them and their memory. I cannot imagine anyone wanting their loved ones to stop living because they did. For some, it will take longer to get to a place where they are not consumed with their loss and to a place where they carry the memory of that person with them daily. Losing your child, no matter their age, is likely the worst day of your life and the worst experience of your life. For me it is. One day I was working, laughing, and excited for what was to come. The next day I was grieving, crying, and wondering how I could possibly go on. One minute I was wrapping up some after-conference things and the next minute I was reading a Facebook direct message (DM) indicating something was going on with my son. A message that prompted me to text Bryan, “Have you heard anything about BJ?” And the next minute, this mama got that dreaded phone call…that he was gone. That’s the moment my world crashed, I started crying, and inside I have never stopped.

What’s done is done. I cannot change it. I cannot bring my son back. I can intentionally “Keep Calm and Carry On”. I can live everyday knowing that he is still with us. He lives on through his daughter, mother, father, brothers, nieces, nephews, (etc., etc., etc.)…through every life he touched. He lives on. His memory is a light inside of us. BJ might be gone from earth, but he’s alive in us. He can never die again, and I can never experience the loss of him again. He was made new and given eternal life. He WILL be waiting for us on the other side. In the blink of an eye I lost my sweet boy, and in the blink of an eye, we will be together again.