Have you
lost an adult child that left behind a surviving child? Well, I did and it’s
the single most precious gift that he left me. Beyond all the photos, shirts,
this and that…he left me a granddaughter. I miss him terribly and I am having
another difficult week. I’m finding it difficult to focus, I have like no
energy, and all I want to do is sit in my chair and work on my computer…where I
can be productive and creative and feel worthwhile.
I am
thankful for the time I have with his daughter and that her mom and I have
managed to forge our way through the mess of their then pending divorce, his death,
and her new marriage. I know, with every ounce of my being, that the one thing
BJ would want from all of us is to maintain a relationship with his daughter.
The rest of it is just stuff. In death, we often lose sight of that. More people
care about the “belongings” than the survivors and I find that so sad. Don’t
get me wrong, I treasure each and everything that BJ ever made me, gave me, or
left me with. But not one “thing” I treasure more than his beautiful offspring.
She is a delight, headstrong, beautiful, and demanding…all wrapped up in a
sweet little package that is part her mom and part her dad.
Having
lost Dillon’s dad two years prior to losing BJ, I know the challenges that
Carrie will go through with Cheyenne. Thankfully, she does have someone that is
walking this journey with her. I didn’t and still don’t have that. I face each
and every day on my own; a single mom and the only parent. Now, I know some of
you may have gotten tripped up on my statement that “she has someone walking
this journey with her.” Carrie and I have discussed the situation of her and BJ’s
pending divorce at the time of his death and her other relationship at that time. Regardless of all else,
BJ would want the focus to be about our relationships with Chey. I cannot hold
Carrie hostage because of the past and her choices. I can agree that it hurt me
and to move on; which is what I have done. Life is just too short, period.
Last
weekend, for the first time, I got to see Cheyenne play soccer…I especially
loved watching her “tell” one of her teammates what she was supposed to be doing
on the field. She is a little “driver”! Afterwards we went to lunch and then
she spent the night at a hotel with D and I. We did nothing special, but the
time together was very special. We all agreed it was great just to hang out in
our room, watching TV, playing, wrestling around, and just being together. Thankfully
suites in Prineville are pretty inexpensive…thank you Best Western! We had a
living room area which made the stay much more home like!
On
Sunday, we enjoyed breakfast before checking out and then made a stop at the Dollar
Store to pick up a few fun Halloween decorations to take to the Cross. We spent
a bit of time cleaning the area around the cross and decorating it before
taking Chey home. Then came the news; totally unexpected. Carrie and Kevin told
me that the property of the accident site (and now home of the Cross) has been sold. Holy
smokes, I didn’t even realize it was on the market. Regardless, the new owner,
a military man would rather not have a cross there as it is a reminder of too
many other ones he has seen during his tenure in the military. I can’t blame
him for that; although I could not hold back the tears at that news. Apparently, the new owner has plans to build a fence around his property; can’t blame him
for that either. Carrie explained to him what the Cross and that spot means to
Cheyenne and BJ’s family/friends. In lieu of a cross, he is having a plaque
made, powder-coated in green (BJ’s favorite color) and hung as part of the
fence. He is doing this at his own expense. I hope to meet this man one day and
thank him for allowing us to continue our grieving process with having a place
to symbolize our remembrance of the loving father, beloved son, and wonderful brother
he is.
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