Memories Are the Best Therapy

Thanksgiving traditionally is set aside for a family gathering. A time to eat as much as we want, watch football, play football, and be with our loved ones. Yesterday as I was driving to my family gathering, I felt a message come over me that was important to share with others;

“As you sit around your Thanksgiving table, be thankful for the ones you sit next to , be thankful for the ones that have survived something and are still sitting there with you and be thankful for the memories you have with the ones that are no longer sitting at your table.”

The first holiday with an “empty chair” is the most difficult holiday. My thoughts went to Dillon’s stepmom who lost her dad earlier this year, to a sweet lady in Iowa who lost her husband just a few weeks ago, to a dear friend that lives right down the road that lost her father last spring, and to a longtime friend that lost her brother just days ago. My heart hurt, and my eyes welled with tears knowing how difficult this Thanksgiving would be for each of them. And then I shed a few at the empty chair at our table. Although this is now our third holiday season with BJ’s empty chair at our table, it makes us remember the times his chair wasn’t empty.

Then I became Thankful for family members that survived to sit with their family another year. A brother-in-law that, in the nick of time, found he was having heart issues and underwent heart surgery and spared my sister the pain of losing her husband of 50+ years. A niece that was in a terrible car accident and, not only survived but walked away physically unscathed, sparing another sister the pain I have experienced of losing a child.

Being Thankful for what we have and the memories we have made is healing. On this drive my thoughts moved from thankfulness to a specific Thanksgiving memory. In 2010, Dillon spent the holiday weekend with his dad, so I decided to head over the mountain to BJ’s. The weather and road conditions were not great that year and I was driving BJ’s little pickup…rear wheel drive. I bought a pair of used studded tires for it and had some chains too. I’m a “planner” by nature; I put together all the things I would need “just in case”. “In case” I spun out, went off the road, and landed far enough off the road that passerby’s might not see me. Yes, that is what my brain does! I had a survival kit that included foods with protein, water, candles, lighters, matches, etc. I borrowed 250 lbs. of sandbags. I had a tarp, a gas can, and the non-studded back tires were left in the back of the pickup “just in case”…I could throw them on the fire I would make to keep warm, heat food, and make a beacon in the woods so I could be found.  Well, preparing paid off because I didn’t spin out and fly off the road to need a fire to be the beacon for me to be found! However, this long drive did take 7 hours instead of 3½. Worst drive over the mountain ever! Best Thanksgiving in Prineville with BJ ever!

This is what keeps me going; the memories, the love, and family. I am a survivor. I am grieving. I am Thankful. Thankful for the years and the Thanksgiving’s spent with BJ. Thankful to have a family to sit around the table with. Thankful to know amidst the pain of grief, I have the joy of memories.