Overwhelmed. That is a part of grief. An early part of grief. As we prepare to say goodbye to another beloved family member, lost way too soon, we feel overwhelmed. Overwhelmed, anxious, sad, confused… just a few feelings of grief. My sister and her family are going through this, sometimes unbearable, journey that no parent EVER wants or should have to go through.
I began my journey eight years ago and said goodbye to my
son, and here I am… still living life, still grieving, and still learning to walk
my way through it every-single-day. The old say, “it gets easier”, “time heals all
wounds” is a crock! Just my opinion, of course. But seriously, it doesn’t get
easier to feel the loss of your child. You just learn to live life through the
pain, through the grief, and through the loss.
Our sweet, Laura, was available and part of my early journey
eight years ago. She made exorbitant amounts of food for our family, spent time
with me, and helped with my sons (her cousin) Celebration of Life. That’s what
I think about during this fresh journey of grief I am in. I think about her
acts of kindness, our 50-year “familyship” (because it is so much more than friendship),
her social media posts of how boldly she was living her life. She was an
amazing cook, a loyal family member, a traveler, a crafter… and she made it all
look easy and came naturally to her. Way too soon!
Several times since, 9/11, the day she passed (yea, we won’t
ever forget that day!), I have gone to her Facebook page. To look at her pictures
and read through posts from friends and family sharing memories and what Laura
meant to them, how she impacted their lives, and how much she is already
missed. It is not easy reading through the posts when tears begin to fill your
eyes, and you start to feel them roll down your cheek one by one. Sometimes I
just had to shut the computer lid, because it was too overwhelming, and it was
way too familiar. But it is important to feel the compassion and the love
others have for her and how greatly she is missed by so many.
I still have the three feet by five feet bulletin board I
used for BJ’s Celebration of Life… filled with Facebook posts of those that
felt loss and grief. It doesn’t hang in my house, and it doesn’t even hang in
my shed, but it is in my shed. I catch a glimpse of it every once in a while, and
sometimes I will read one or two. That’s still all I can handle.
Laura Sue Newton… proudly one of the “Sue’s” in our family,
proudly a “Newt”, and proudly, an Oregonian. She was a historian at heart and wanted
to capture all the historical learnings she could. She gave mention to Oregon’s
“Birthday” every year. She took time to see historical sites in new places and
places she had been to many times. And still, these are my thoughts and my
memories of my niece. Her parents have different memories and different feelings
of grief and her siblings different than ours. Her nieces, nephews, cousins,
aunts, uncles… well the list goes on and on. But also, her friends. Friendship
is not just an important part of life; it is a necessary part of life. Laura
had room in her heart and in her life for many. Many are feeling loss as they
are grieving their friend that they have shared many memories with. I hold you
in my heart knowing this is not easy for you.
Today, I pray for peace over the many hearts grieving. I
give thanks for the blessing of Laura in our lives and that God chose our
family to be her family. Cherish those you love and that are important to you,
because in a blink of an eye…
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