If I chose a season as my favorite, it has always been autumn. I love the subtle and beautiful changes that come with fall. September still has a few hots days, but also some crisp sunny mornings. October brings more sunny and colder mornings, and the cooler temperatures start to arrive. I love the changes nature brings with the jewel tones of the leaves turning from green to yellow, orange, brown, and even some burgundy. There’s a distinct decorating period that launches with Labor Day and the start of school. Whether you love all “fall” or the fun of Halloween and then Thanksgiving or a mixture of it all, there’s something for everyone’s desire. Me personally, I do a little of all… some fall, with mixes of Halloween and then Thanksgiving!
This season changed a little bit for me in 2014, as we went
through the sudden and heartbreaking death of Dillon’s dad on September 14 and on
October 20, 2016, my world completely crashed when I lost my oldest son to a
tragic auto accident. Fall and
everything it meant to me became more intentional as well as emotional. I
intentionally kept up my habit of decorating for fall. It brings me joy. It is
important to find joy and keep joy, especially during the most difficult times.
Last year, we lost my niece on 9/11… another Fall loss (yes, actually summer,
but my fall season begins Labor Day weekend!). I know how difficult this week
is for my sister and her family. I have been through the pain of the first
anniversary of the loss of an adult child. It is heartbreaking. It is
emotional. It is difficult.
When you are a survivor, you learn to stop taking things for
granted, stop thinking you will have another day, and your message is to show
your love for one another. Family becomes more important. You make more time
for what’s important and let go of what isn’t. You might even have a motto for
the tough days. When I lost BJ, my motto was… get up, get dressed, and go about
your day. You see, I knew he would want me to keep living even though he was
gone. He would want me to live my life to the fullest and I knew that began
with getting out of bed. When you are in the deepest grief, it is so easy to
stay in bed, dwell on your sorrow and loss, and want to stop moving. Don’t get
me wrong… I had a few of those days, but I did my best to live “intentionally”.
Intentionally getting out of bed and getting dressed every day. Even if I did
nothing but watch TV, scroll my phone, or sit on the couch and cry… I intentionally
got out of bed.
So, whatever season you are in, live it intentionally. Do you
find difficulty with depression during the dark winter months? What can you
intentionally do to make it better for you? Daylight light bulbs and lots of
them? Use the time to do some indoor projects? That will not only knock some
things off your to-do list, but it will give you something of purpose to do and
the joy of accomplishment when it’s done. Does spring bring too much rain? Use the dry days to plant more flowers and let
the rain do the watering for you. Finish up more indoor projects and plan for
the outdoor ones. Does the heat of the summer boil your blood after too many
hot days? So, you don’t have air conditioning? I bet you have a friend or two
that does and I bet they would love to spend some quality “friend” time with
you on an extreme heat day. Use the morning hours for outdoor time. Whatever
season is the toughest for you, change your thinking about how to get through
it “intentionally”.
Life does throw curve balls. Loss and grief do happen. It changes
you and sometimes you must intentionally work your way through it. Don’t stand
still in. Don’t dwell on it. How do you want others to act (or react) when you
leave earth? Maybe that is the example you use for yourself when you
unexpectedly and heartbreakingly get thrust into grief. Me… I want everyone to
be joyous that they knew me, thrilled that we chose to be in each other’s lives,
and celebrate the long, beautiful life I had. #PeggysParty 😉
Yes, of course, there are always tears, but Live, Laugh, and Love. Live life with
intention. Laugh every chance you can. Love others deeply.
When I started writing today, it didn’t start out to be a
blog post. It was going to be a Facebook post. I had just finished texting my
sister to tell her I love her and let her know I am aware of what this week is
for her. Of course, those emotions ran into next week and the eleventh year without
Dillon’s dad, and in October nine years without BJ. That’s how grief can be. It
takes hold and before you know it, you are crying, dwelling, feeling numb, or
one of the many other emotions that sneak up on you.
So… I am going to intentionally end this blog post and go about my day. Happy Fall Y’all!
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