Keep On Keeping On

When you lose a loved one, one of the most difficult times to get through is the holiday season and even more so, if you have recently experienced loss. That is where I was a year ago and maybe you are in that place this year. If you are, next year might be a bit better.  I don’t really know that it is a “bit better” but instead of going through the motions this holiday season I have made a vow to myself to enjoy the season again. I’ll be honest; I don’t quite know what that looks like yet. I miss my son terribly. My heart hurts for his daughter and brothers that miss him so much. We are family. We get through the highs and we get through the lows and losing BJ was most definitely the lowest of lows for us.  It happened in October, right before we get in full holiday spirit and it was difficult to do that last year. In fact, it is pretty much a blur for me. He would want us to celebrate as we have always done. Again, I don’t know what that looks like for me this year but I have six beautiful grandchildren and two wonderful sons still on earth with me. They depend on me and they need me just as I need them.

BJ's Forever Christmas Tree

If this is your first holiday season without your loved one all I can suggest is to do what feels right for you in the moment. Perhaps you are going through grief of a different type: a divorce, job loss, separation for any other reason…don't discount that or think your grief is any less devastating than the loss of a person. For you in this moment, it quite possibly is devastating. I have made it through many types of grief; the loss of a 20 year marriage, the loss of a job(s), the loss of my parents, my brother, my sons father, and now my son. As you may imagine, none of the other grief journeys compare to the loss of my child. I have learned a lot about myself and about other people. I have learned that I am much stronger than I ever thought possible, I am more compassionate for others knowing I could lose them at any time, and I live more in the "now" than in the "future". My "holiday advice" (if I dare use the word advice!) is...…Don’t do what others expect. Don’t do things you don’t want to do and if that is completely different than what you have done in holidays past it is ok…you are grieving and you come first. I pray that God brings peace and comfort over you during this time. I pray for your wisdom to know there is light in the tunnel you are traveling through right now.  And I pray for brighter days and restful nights. Keep on keeping on…one day at a time.