Mother’s
Day is quickly approaching and I can feel myself getting emotional at the drop
of a hat. I suppose it is completely natural in the course of grief when losing
a child. That compounded with BJ’s birthday following a few days later, makes
for an emotionally tough week, but so far...better than last year.
When
we are young mom’s our attention is usually centered around our children,
around our family. As an older mom, my attention is centered around my
children, around my grandchildren, around my family; so really that hasn’t
changed…not for me, anyway. As our children grow up and become adults they
start making their own way through life and sometimes even start having
families of their own. And then, the dreaded move further away. It was tough
when BJ and Carrie decided to move to Central Oregon. I thought I would see
them less and they wouldn’t just pop in as if they were 20 minutes away instead
of 3 hours. That really wasn’t the case; I was their “home away from home” and
I always gave BJ a key to my house. So, even if they were only there to sleep while
visiting other family and friends I at least got them overnight.
Now,
Bryan has moved from 6 minutes away to 70 minutes away and that is an
adjustment. Don’t get me wrong, I have no problem showing up on their doorstep,
but I have to allot the time to do that and if they aren’t home, then what? I
guess it will be, “I was here, but now I’m gone. I left this note to turn you
on.” Anyone remember that saying from “back in the day”. Of course that would
be a little odd to leave on my son’s door! LOL I guess I could change it to, “I
was here, but now I’m gone. I left this note. Love you, Mom.” Much more
appropriate…JS! Dillon was really concerned when Bryan moved because he thought
we’d hardly ever see them, but Willy makes sure that is not the case. At least
once a month I get a phone call from grandma’s little man asking if he can have
a sleepover. I only said, “no” one time and that was the weekend prior to a
travel week. He also told me he likes to come to my house because I have
working Internet! Out of the mouths; lol. I haven’t really determined if we see
them less, but I know I miss them more. I think it’s knowing they are no longer
right down the street (so to speak).
So,
as Mother’s Day approaches…I miss my mom because she is in Heaven, I miss BJ
because he is in Heaven, and I miss Bryan because he moved further away. I’m
ecstatic for his new life adventure and his new home, so I guess the resolve is
3 Granny Pods and 1 Mom Wine Shack on his property. Heck, I won’t even need a
car then. Dillon, what about Dillon? Well I guess it is 3 Granny Pods, 1 Mom
Wine Shack, and 1 Little Bro Man Cave. Sure glad Bryan bought a few acres!
If
you are a child missing your mom in Heaven or a mom missing your child in
Heaven this Mother’s Day, find joy where ever you can. Whether it is memories
of past Mother Day’s or the thought of descending your retirement days on a
loved one’s acreage with multiple “pods” of your choosing, find some joy this
weekend and know that you are not alone, you will get through this, and nothing
is too big for our God; especially your journey of grief. God’s got you!
Blessings and Happy Mother’s Day to all moms; on earth and in Heaven!
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