Imagine Their Presence

Sometimes it seems as though life is flying by and other times it feels like we are crawling like a snail. Some days it feels like it’s been forever since BJ died, while other days it seems like I just saw him yesterday. That’s when the pain is real; when I can vividly see his smile and warmly feel one of his infamous hugs.  I must admit…I don’t feel like I’m drowning in grief every minute and I am experiencing more “happy” days than sorrowful ones.  I have been doing more of what makes “me” happy rather than just going through the motions and it is a great feeling. I have enjoyed doing more crafting over the last several weeks and experimenting making new things. I’m really excited to make homemade fancy coffee creamer tonight so it is ready for my Saturday morning cup of Jo! We’ve been trying to eat healthier and definitely less processed foods, which mean more cooking and more dirty dishes! That part I could do without, but it feels so good to put my focus on things other than missing people that are no longer physically with us. I always think about telling BJ something about what’s going on or what I am doing and I can imagine his response…that’s a good thing. Remembering our loved ones, that has died, in such positive and happy ways keeps their memory alive and keeps them in our hearts and that is a good thing.

I imagine BJ would love the canvas art I made all the kids and he would love his brother’s new home and the potential of filling it with projects…if he were still with us! He would think we have no food in our home because we are foregoing the “junk” which is what he loved! He would love that our cross-country trip and his death has resulted in my strong relationship with Kyle’s family.  He would love that I have introduced “Baby John” to the wonderful world of Legos and I would see a big smile on his face if he saw the adorable onesies for Lincoln. I have no doubt he would chuckle that I made Kyle and Allie things with Essential Oils…only to have them wonder what this “oil thing” is all about!! Yes, he would most definitely chuckle about that! It’s knowing someone so well when they are alive that you can imagine their presence, thoughts, and responses when they are gone.  That is keeping their spirit living within you and that is so helpful with processing the loss of their life. Every day is good, some days are better. If you are struggling with loss, search for your balance…find your distraction…learn your purpose. But whatever you do, keep living and keep their spirit living in you and imagine them, their presence, their thoughts, and their responses.