Through My Mothers Eyes

Since completing six canvas word art projects; “Through My Grandma’s Eyes”, one for each of my grandkids, every time I think about BJ my thoughts end up…”Through My Mother’s Eyes”. And, even though I have not done a canvas for my sons…yet, I have had many reflections of what my words to them would be. A couple of years ago, when I was preparing to have a pretty routine surgery but also knowing how unexpected things happen and how quickly our lives can change I decided to write a letter to each of my sons. You know…in case they had the unexpected outcome from my surgery. Well, clearly I am here, they never received their letters, and BJ went before me. Even though he never read my last thoughts to him, he knew without a doubt how much he meant to me and how much he was loved. Those letters get updated periodically and sit in my safe…just in case.

“Through My Grandma’s Eyes” is my way of sharing my love to my grandkids with words…words that describe how I see them and not necessarily how anyone else sees them. It is a keepsake, handmade with lots of love, that I pray they will treasure forever. ”Through My Mother’s Eyes” as I see BJ: Strong, Loving, Big Brother, Infectious Personality, Smiles, Helpful, Friend, #1 Son, Sneaky, Big Hugs, Bacon, Beer, Bonfires...the list goes on. I still see him that way. When I see him in my mind it’s always with that big infectious smile and once in a while with that one-of-a-kind grin! 

It’s hard to know he’s not here and yet feel his presence so intensely.  There’s days when I see him so clearly and then I just can’t believe he’s gone and that I’ll never see him like I used to. Bryan will never have his big brother to call or talk to. Willy will never have his uncle to throw him up in the air or chase around the yard. Dillon will never have BJ to play video games with or to call him “Wolverine” to let him know it’s past time to trim his nails. Cheyenne will never have her daddy to snuggle with, play at the park with, kiss her good night, or walk her down the aisle one day. It’s all those things that to some may seem small, but to us is huge and still unimaginable. This is grief, a journey that no one desires to take and yet is forced on this path as if you’ve been abducted from life as you knew it.