Pain is for Survivors

Today I find myself thinking about the subject of last Friday’s post; suicide. Far too many people make the choice to end their life for one reason or another…or many reasons. I don’t suppose we ever really know what is in their mind and what is the “last straw”. I suspect they end their life to end their pain. But, unfortunately, it begins the pain for their survivors.

Earlier this year an acquaintance’s son became a missing person; last seen in downtown Portland. I have known this family for twenty years, spent time with them periodically, and even had a couple of beach trips with the mother and some of our other mutual friends. Even though we got together over the years, I would not say I knew the family well, but I do know their son had a troubled youth. His parents worked diligently to seek the best options for their son to bring him into a healthy adulthood. Nearly a week ago I heard that their son had been found; washed up in one of the waterways in Portland…found just one day before his 23^rd Birthday. I don’t know any of the details surrounding his death; whether it is suicide, foul play, or accidental. I do know that it must be painstakingly horrible for his survivors; mother, father, brother, and a young toddler.

Just as alarming to me, I read the statistics that nearly one body a week is found in a Portland river. Are they suicides, victims of foul play, homeless, or accidental? I imagine a variety. One thing they all have in common…survivors. Being a survivor is not always easy; sometimes it is the toughest thing to do. Some survivors wish their life would end too and some even end their life. In all the pain I have endured at the loss of my son, I still love my life. I love that I get to wake up to two healthy, loving, living sons that I need very much, and I know love and need me. I get to look forward to making memories with my grandbabies and revel in the thoughts of where life will take them.  I am grateful that my love of family and life far outweigh the pain of loss. I am grateful I have never experienced suicidal thoughts; that my pain and anguish over losing my son was never “that” painful…painful enough to consider ending my life.