Letting Go

Written Monday, March 20, 2017

Oh that grin...oh those eyes...

I don't know how to let go of you. I don't know how to quit thinking about you. I cannot wrap my head around the fact that you have been gone five months now. How can that possibly be? It seems like yesterday you whirled in here like the wind; spending but a brief time before you whirled back in as fast as you arrived. You were always on the move. You liked being busy. And at the same time, you liked when you could take a break from being busy.  You were always off to see someone, help someone, or visit someone. Very seldom were you just "alone BJ". I don't think you liked the alone time; especially the six months prior to leaving us. You didn't like getting in your own head. You didn't like if you couldn't make sense of things, make sense of life, make sense of what the last half a year meant. You were a changed man. Marriage changed you, being a father changed you, and going through a divorce changed you. You were finally happy, you were finally making sense of life again, you were finding love again…you were happy! Some thought you might be moving on too quickly, but once you were gone we were thankful for that. We were thankful that you were not alone, that you had a wonderful relationship with your daughter, that you had many friends supporting you, and that you were spending time with a wonderful lady. We know now why things happened the way they did. We are still not happy that you are not physically with us any longer, but know that you will always be with us in our hearts, in our memories, and for Heaven's sake…in our minds. You are always on my mind. I don't know how to quit thinking about you…E V E R Y D A Y.