Remembering BJ

Today, May 16, 2017 - BJ's 36th Birthday, is the official launching of my blog:

Remembering BJ

His mothers journey through grief   

This blog is dedicated to his life and the love he brought to our life. He will be forever missed and forever remembered. This blog is my place to write my thoughts; even though jumbled at times. A place to talk to him; even though he can't use words to speak to me. A place to journal my journey through the unthinkable; the death of my child. My hope is that this blog will be shared freely with others and through social media. Shared so that it can reach that one person that might need to read just one thing that I write, that needs to know what they are feeling is normal because nothing about grief is normal and this is their new normal.  That person may not even be someone I know or someone you know, but it might be someone that needs to know they are not on their journey alone. 

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His "New Beginning"

My son was full of life; until he wasn't.
He had a huge heart; even though when he started life it had a hole in it.

He loved his daughter, family, and friends like no other; but God loved him more. 

God loved him enough to say, "come with me, BJ and let me give you everlasting life." BJ went.
 

It hurts, I won't lie. But at that point, he was no longer mine. The decision was made. He had fulfilled his earthly duty. God already knows when each of us will be given our choice to go "home" to be with him. Will you make the choice to be His child? We are all His from the beginning and we can all be His in the end. He prefers we walk with him and talk with him in between, but not all of us do. Some do for a while and some never know the glory of God. Christ died for us and we are given the choice in the end. Will you chose God?

He saved us, not because of the righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He washed away our sins, giving us a new birth and new life through the Holy Spirit. Titus 3:5 (NLT)

God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it. Ephesians 2:8-9 (NLT) 

I know all of this and yet my heart aches as much today as it did on October 21, 2016, in the moment I heard those words. The days leading up to this day, his 36th Birthday, have been gut wrenching and I cannot hardly get through a thought without tears filling my eyes and then rolling down my cheeks. I know he would not want us to be sad that he is no longer here, but we are. We must be; it is part of the healing process. Through sadness we will find joy. Through gray skies we will see the sun again. Through snowy days....well, let's just say we know it is BJ smiling down on us and most likely laughing out loud! We cannot see him, but we can feel his presence and we know that he is not far.