Celebrating Father's Day

As we approach Father's Day this coming Sunday, it brings many emotions within me. It's natural to grow up and sometime in your adult life you lose your parents. It's not easy, but in our minds it is the natural flow of things. I miss my dad every year on Father's Day and I miss my mom every year on Mother's Day, as well as just about every single day…but it's been a natural process for me. What has not been a natural process for me is the past two and now approaching three Father's Days. 

As many of you know, we lost my youngest sons father on September 14, 2014, by sudden death. A complication that arose from surgery, causing a massive stroke that he was unable to recover from.  So, as we approached the first Father's Day without him in 2015, I asked my then 11 year old son how he would like to spend the day. After all, this loss was more about him than anyone else. How unthinkable that a child lose their parent, that is NOT the natural flow as we know it. He simply stated that he didn't do anything special with his dad on Father's Day, he was just with him…spending time with him. I respected that and told him that if he decided he wanted to do anything to let me know and we would do it. A child has to be able to steer their own grief process and be allowed to feel what they feel when they feel it. I kept a watchful eye over him that week and on Father's Day early in the evening, as I was thinking about winding down for the day, he asked if we could go to a movie. Even though my thought was crawling into bed and watching a chick flick, I honored my word and off we went to a movie. He wanted to see Furious 7, and even though I had not seen ANY of the Fast and Furious movies, we were off. I loved the movie, so much that we had a marathon of all F & F movies over the next couple of days and then I bought them all! It was a great time. As we were walking to our car, we reminisced about the last movie we had seen with his dad, at this very theater, about a month before he died. As we were talking, an overwhelming feeling came over me and I had one of those ah-ha moments…we were learning to live life without his dad. I knew in that moment we were both going to be fine in spite of the great loss we were feeling. 

As we approached Father's Day last year, I once again asked Dillon what he would like to do and if he would like to go to a movie. He said, "mom, I would really like to call BJ (who was at his dad's) because he was really there for me when I lost dad and he's been like a second dad to me. And mom, he's going through a really bad time with his divorce and all."  My heart melted with those words and I felt proud that my son was thinking of someone more than himself on a difficult day of the year for him personally. BJ was surprised and very thankful that his little brother felt that way. Once again, he and I also went to a movie and now we have our own Father's Day tradition. Not because I think of myself in the role of dad, but because we do it to honor his dad. I believe that every child should know both parents whenever possible. In our situation, I am NOT his dad nor can I ever fill that role. I am a single parent that is forced to raise a child without the physical support of the other parent. I have "a village" that helps when I need it and when I ask. Even though, at 13, and in many ways Dillon is independent I have to travel for work a few times a year. I no longer have the "convenience" for him to go to his dad's, so I have a village of family and friends that step in and keep him a night or two or three. I am forever grateful for that support group. 

I have already put in my budget movie $$$ for this Father's Day and it will once again be Dillon's choice for which movie we see. But it is a bittersweet year as I think of my granddaughter that is approaching her first Father's Day without her daddy. I pray that her heart is protected from pain, that God lift her from sorrow, and that her mom continues to provide her with love and a stable environment and will always be compassionate and understanding of whatever feelings her daughter feels at whatever time they surface. 

For me, I will say Happy Father's Day to three wonderful daddies that are now in Heaven; my daddy, Dillon's daddy, and Cheyenne's daddy. We all love you and miss you every day.

Dad, you raised me to be a strong, loving, and independent woman that puts God and family above all else. Thank you for all you and mom did for me and the values you instilled in me; I love you and miss you both so much!

Rich, you helped me build a good foundation based on Christian principles that are part of who our son is becoming. You were a loving, playful, and faithful daddy to our little boy. You brought many people into his life that are helping care for him today. I will always love you and be grateful to you for your knowledge and love that you passed on to our son.

BJ, this is still raw for me and I don't even know how to do anything but express my love and loss for you. Next Tuesday, on your dad's birthday, it will be eight months since you went Home to be with Jesus.  Sigh…on your dad's birthday. I continually pray for him as he feels this loss in many different ways than I do. A father-son bond is unique and yours most definitely was. Son, you were a wonderful dad full of love for your little girl. She misses you like crazy. In your short time with us you accomplished many things, but your greatest accomplishment and gift to this world is your daughter, Cheyenne. I love looking through all the pictures of the two of you together, from birth through the last weekend with her. Our last phone call, October 17th, when the two of you told me all about her Halloween costume you had ordered for her. You were both so excited. You created so many memories with her in your short time together and I know you are her angel above keeping her safe. I love you son and miss you so much. Happy Father's Day honey.