Your girls, you
know…Amanda and Kristy…they knew you were there. I was told on the first night,
after dark, when things were in a bit of disarray…I don't know all the details
about that, son, but I do know your girls felt comfort in your presence with them. As they walked out to the clearing by the
lake and looked up, they encountered more stars in the sky than they've ever
seen there. They were amazed by the spectacular display and knew it was you.
You, letting them know you are with them…always. I had to chuckle to myself,
because both Amanda and Kristy were so enthralled by that display…mama may have
heard that story twice. :D
It was a good time.
I met more of your friends. They always make me feel welcome, although I can
sometimes see in their eyes they don't know what to say to me. I suppose I
would be the same way meeting the mom of a good friend that died. What does one
say? I'm sorry for your loss. Are you doing ok? He should be here. But, it's ok and I'm ok…or at least better
than I was six months ago…on most days anyway. It's still very difficult not to
break down when the emotions get too high or the thoughts get too deep and
before you know it…bam, I'm crying a
river of tears again because I miss you so damn much! I often hear from many
people…I just want one more of his bear hugs, I want to see that big infectious
smile one more time, I just want one more conversation with him. But, you know
what? ONE MORE would not be enough. It wouldn't be enough for me and it
wouldn't be enough for you. So, hold on to the last one you had…the last hug,
the last smile, the last conversation; because some people may not even recall
their last and if you do, you are one of the lucky ones.
And so the story
goes…I had a great time at Clear Lake…well, at least the first night! Mama
needs to remember…she can't party like it's 1999 or like she's 29. As it goes
sometimes, I had a great time, I might of drank a bit much, but I was with good
people, sharing good stories, missing a great man. I imagine you with that
mischievous grin on your face, watching the camp show from above…loving that
your mom was there…being her somewhat obnoxious self…and even possibly shaking
your head at me! :D
Above all the fun,
all the memories, all the stories…it just breaks my heart to see one friend in
particular and the overwhelming sadness he feels everyday. We took a
walk, we had a great conversation, he wears his heart on his sleeve, and he grieves
for you every single day, son. He remembered how he felt a year ago, when you
drove into camp, and the words you asked him when you stepped out of your truck
and his amazement that you would even ask if you two "were ok". But,
as a person going through a divorce we don't know how mutual friends feel or
how we (the impending divorce') will be received. I think we too often don't
give people enough credit and too many people forget their friends are getting
a divorce and that doesn't mean they are divorcing the friends. Friends
shouldn't have to choose sides. But regardless, this is about your friend
missing you and remembering a year ago when you were there and not being able
to share this with me without many tears. I am continually amazed by the
magnitude of lives you so profoundly touched, and continue to touch, here on
earth. They all take care of me, you know? Your friends, your brothers. The
relationships have grown much deeper. People are showing they care about each
other, making sure one another knows they are loved.
When I look at the
big picture of how things are with you in Heaven, your death has brought a lot
of pain, a lot of heartache, but it has also brought a lot of love, a lot of
new friendships, and deepened many others. Still, from Heaven, you amaze
me in what is happening here...all...because you aren't here.
 |
Big shout out to Bob and Kristy…Happy Birthday friends! |
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