Firsts and Lasts

Written Monday, July 17

Firsts and Lasts. What does that really mean? For mourners, it means the "first" Christmas, "first" Birthday, "first" camping trip, etc. without the one they lost. It also means, the "last" time I talked to them, the "last" time I saw them, or in some cases…their "last" vacation. I have the memory of going on BJ's "last" vacation, with his daughter and his youngest brother. A year ago at this time we had made our way from Central Oregon to Greer, South Carolina. A trip that will always be treasured. We went to see one of his best friends; a man that BJ took under his wing and made many special memories with. Today, I am packing and preparing to make my first trip (without BJ) to see Kyle and his family. We will start our journey on the ninth month since his death. I will be with family for the first leg of our trip and spend the night with family in Eastern Oregon before continuing our venture to The Centennial State. Because of BJ's last vacation, and my "tagging along" as he preciously put it,  we (me and his littlest brother) have formed our own relationships with Kyle's family. We are now making our first trip to see Kyle and I am thankful that in the past year they have relocated to Colorado, so our trek is much shorter this year. Mixed emotions? You bet! But, we love Kyle and his little southern family. Will it be different this year? Of course! BJ won't be there…physically but make no mistake…HE WILL BE THERE!

BJ was so happy on this trip.

He loved the warmth of the Atlantic Ocean.

He was thrilled to go to th "Dirty South Mud Bogs"!

(Kyle, Allison, Cheyenne, BJ)

If you are reading this, no matter where you are, the firsts and lasts are tough to walk through, but they will be part of the new you, the you without the person you grieve for. They are necessary. Some will be more difficult than others and some dates will have new meaning; and in some cases that is good. As I have shared, Dillon (my youngest son) lost his dad nearly three years ago, at only ten years old. Nine months later, as Father's Day rolled around I knew the day had to be about him and how he would experience the first Father's Day without his daddy. I asked him if he wanted to do anything special or with meaning. He simply said, "Dad and I didn't do anything special on Father's Day, mom. We just spent the day being together." That is a beautiful way for a child to feel. I let him know that was perfectly fine, but if he changed his mind or thought of anything to let me know. We went to our first "Father's Day Movie" that year and my first Fast and Furious (Furious 7) movie.  We have now enjoyed three Father's Day Movies; each one picked because he knows he would have enjoyed them with his dad and his dad would like the movie he picked. His dad is enjoying the day with us from Heaven and we are learning to live without him on earth.

As mid-July approached this year, my thoughts were with many different people but two have been heavily on my heart. Bryan, BJ's "bro", who celebrated his first birthday without a "Birthday" text or phone call from his big brother. Even though Bryan's birthday was NOT about BJ, my heart ached for him knowing what very small, minute (mī-ˈnüt) gesture was missing from his day as there would not be that birthday greeting from his older brother. Teri, our sweet "Chicka" (as BJ lovingly coined her), reconnected with BJ a year ago this summer and she is now going through her "firsts and lasts" all in one fail swoop! The first date and last summer fest, all one in the same.  Lord, I pray for strength and comfort for this sweet lady during these difficult months she is  beginning. For many of us, the firsts and lasts are getting a bit easier, but for her and the first eight months of her journey were much different than my own, much different than many others.  But, now, I can see how her journey will now take a much deepened drop as she goes through her firsts and lasts. Lord, again I ask that you give her strength to walk this journey, comfort to know that she is not now nor will she ever be alone, and peace to understand that, as much as we miss him, he is in the greatest place of all. Lord, wrap your loving arms around each person that is grieving today and to know that they are not alone as they read this. That through you and your grace, they will learn their way to their new. In Jesus name.

Zipline fun!

BJ and "Chicka"