Happy Birthday "little bro"

Happy Birthday  😍 to my youngest of the older two sons, Bryan and BJ's  little brother for 33 years today! Even though I had a third son nearly twenty years later, Bryan will always be my baby of the older two. He grew up having a BIG brother; a brother that loved him, played with him, picked on him, and got him in trouble…as siblings often do. Those two boys! They grew up working on cars, riding dirt bikes, camping, and enjoying many things a good childhood brings. In their early childhood, BJ was unruffled, playful, and excited to have a little brother! There was never a doubt, Bryan was mama's baby, a bit spoiled, rambunctious, and kept right up with his brother.  Somewhere along the way they seemed to pull a switcheroo on mom; BJ became strong-willed and  the "wild child"  bad boy that made him attractive to the girls, while Bryan became more subdued, serious, responsible, and the strength of our family.  They both love deeply, are faithful friends, and have learned to roll with the punches life delivers. 

And then along came "Baby D", as BJ so lovingly nicknamed him. Dillon is nearly 20 years younger than Bryan and Bryan is a bit more than three years younger than BJ. The three of them finding their way through the uniqueness of a 20+ year span in age.  Even though they were both apprehensive about having a little brother as they were young adults; they soon fell in love with the little creature that now completed our family. Bryan showed the first sign of excitement when a light bulb clicked in his head and he was only too happy to take his toddler brother to the mall, to work picnics, and other adventures where he was just certain a baby was what all young women were attracted to. I mean who doesn't love a strapping young lad doting on his baby brother and taking him places? Hello "lady killer!"  Me….I was just happy for a break!  And, I did love that Bryan has been a great "BIG" brother since the beginning!  It took BJ a bit longer to figure out his relationship with Baby D, as he was also figuring out what adult life looked like for him. He was never one to follow the rules and wasn't made of a mold, but he did figure out his life and he did figure out how to have a strong, caring, and mentoring relationship with his youngest brother. 

Our family has endured much heartache losing the oldest. It has left us confused, broken, sorrowful, and darned angry at times! As a mother, it is unfathomable to lose an adult child and I imagine that is similar to how young adults feel when they lose a sibling near their own age. I still hear Bryan's voice over the phone as he had to tell me BJ was gone and the anguish I still feel inside when I recall that moment and that my son, BJ's brother had to muster the courage to say those words to his mom and his dad. That is a burden I wish wasn't laid on him. But then as I watched Bryan transform into a distraught robot, doing all the necessary things and making all the decisions  needed over the first few days of his grief, amazed me as much as broke my heart.  Bryan: derived from an Old Celtic language word meaning "high" or "noble" certainly describes my son. Bryan has incredible strength, the softest heart, and wise beyond his years. He is one of the best fathers I know, a dedicated brother, and a loving son.

Bryan, my birthday wish for you is that you continue to grow as a man and a father. That you continue to live up to the challenges you set for yourself. That you take time to grieve, love, and reflect on the relationship you miss, accept what cannot be changed, and have the foresight to know that we will all live together for eternity. Allow yourself to walk through this journey of grief and understand that you too are changed because of what you have lost.  Happy Birthday Bryan! I love you more today than yesterday, and less than I will tomorrow and never as much as Our Father in Heaven, but with all my heart!