Helping and Coping

Even though we all go through grief in our own way and our own time; we have one thing in common…we are grieving. As I’m nearly two years post-death with the loss of my son, I’m reminded how raw and vulnerable we are during the first few months. It’s not an easy path, but when we are forced on it we must find a way to tread the waters. My way to navigate is this blog; writing my innermost personal feelings. 

I just finished a short Bible plan with a friend that lost her dad this past spring and as I read one of her “thoughts of the day” I remembered the difficulties of being considerate of our loved ones sharing the same loss. Sometimes we want to scream or vent, but we can’t do that with the same people we are trying to comfort and care for through their loss. We do our best to be “the strong one”, but at what cost to ourselves. It becomes a balancing act of comforting others and caring for ourselves. As I comforted my 10-year-old son through the loss of his father, I only allowed myself to grieve not in his presence. I remember closing my door at night, after he was tucked in and asleep, and laying in bed sobbing; sobbing at my loss and sobbing at the loss my son was experiencing. How is it even fathomable that a 10-year-old should lose their parent? I now understand those feelings of grief prepared me for the battle of grief I would go through two years later at the loss of my own child. It is unthinkable that a parent should lose their child or that a child should lose their father and two years later, their brother.

The loss of my son’s father, Rich, has fostered many new relationships in my life. The loss of my son has allowed me to share my journey with others in hope of shedding light and hope for their own journeys. This weekend I am fortunate to spend on the sunny beaches of the Washington Coast with one of the relationships built through the loss of Rich. We are with Dillon’s stepmom and she lost her own father earlier this year. She was very close with her “daddy” and misses him terribly. I can hear the love for her father in her stories about him and in her voice when she fondly talks about him. She offered encouragement and friendship when I lost my son and I have done the same through her loss. It is strange to feel we keep bonding over loss, but it is important to know we can support one another through our journeys of grief. Sometimes, allowing others in our journey will help us cope with our loss. Reaching out to those that are grieving just might help them cope with their loss.