The Unexpected

As many know, I live in Oregon and close to the Eagle Creek wildfire. Yes, it is a wildfire even though it was ignited by a teenager playing with fireworks. It quickly went out of control and became “wild”, sending embers flying through the sky to our neighboring state and sparking another wildfire in Washington. Now merged with the Indian Creek wildfire; together they have consumed over 33,000 acres, burned at least three homes to the ground, and lead to thievery of fire equipment and volunteer fireman’s vehicles. It is shameful that in hard times our first responders have to watch for looters, thieves, and burglars when their only focus should be helping evacuees and protecting our land.  

The Eagle Creek fire quickly went from a spark to 4800 acres and shortly thereafter my community, a metropolitan suburb, was added to the Evacuation Level 1 list. It was pretty surreal for me, as I had laid in bed the previous night unable to sleep, thinking what would I take if it should make its way to our city, where are all the items located in my house. So, in my mind, I was already preparing for another “unthinkable” in my life. As I listened to the fire marshal  say those dreadful words that I was now a Level 1, I sat here in disbelief thinking this really wouldn’t happen. And in the next moments I was numb, I was trying to pull my thoughts together from the previous night so I could put them into action and yet, I sat here…in total disbelief. Then the phone rang; I looked at it for a moment and then answered to find a dear friend on the other end. She was calling to see how I was handling this. I could hardly speak and in that moment the tears began to stream. Nothing I could control, they just started flowing. How could this be happening? I have already lost my sons father, my brother, a man that was like a father to me, and my son; how could we possibly have to face losing our home too?

Make no mistake, I was not fearful of losing our home. Fear really isn’t part of my vocabulary. Was I concerned? Yes, most definitely. But having a brief conversation with my friend, in that very moment, I was able to pull myself together and put my hazy plan into action. Her phone call could not have had better timing! I then became a packing goddess!  I grabbed any and every plastic container I had floating around the house. First and foremost were family photos…all of them and those who know me well know that I take a ton of pictures and not just now that they are digital. I have always been a picture taker. I grabbed all flash drives, my external hard drive, emptied my safe (because it was easier than carrying it!), cleared off my rolling file cabinet and then set a staging area near the front door. Of course that is the “shoe” area and I had a couple boxes of giveaway items. I literally used my foot and kicked and shoved them aside so I could start gathering and getting my to-go area ready.  The hardest of all was putting BJ’s urn in a plastic container; packing him away like he was just another item. He still sits in that container in the to-go area and it is difficult. I feel I am disrespectful of his remains when in my heart I know I am not. I know they are only his remains of his earthly body and that “he” is in Heaven and is safe with our Father. But his remains are what I have until I have him again and it is heartbreaking to “pack him away”.

You see friends, grief hits at any time and most often unexpectedly. I can’t plan to have a breakdown, plan to have a fresh box of tissues next to me for that breakdown, or to have a friend nearby for a hug during that planned breakdown. Grief is not planned. Grief is ugly. Grief is unexpected.

My heart goes out to the families that are Level 3 and have had to already leave their homes. My heart goes out to the families that have had their home and possessions go up in flames.  Our Level 1 is nothing compared to what they have already endured. We are still two levels away from that. But…I am ready should that happen. In my mind, I am prepared and most everything is replaceable. The only things that are not are family photos, things my kids have made me, sentimental things from someone that has gone before us, and BJ’s remains. I have insurance and I can replace furniture, electronics, and knick knacks. I can’t replace a snapshot of my boys, my grandkids, or my family.

So, I will continue with my daily business and pray sometime soon they will rescind the evacuation order for my community and then I can unpack what has been packed. Life will return to normal. Well, the normal as I know it to be.  God Bless the first responders, the firefighters not just in Oregon but across the Nation, the victims and people dealing with the hurricanes that have hit and the ones yet to hit, and God Bless America!

The Majestic Columbia River Gorge