As you might imagine one of the most difficult
parts of loss is the funeral, graveside service, Celebration of Life, or any
combination of them…the finality of the devastation that has just consumed your
life. Our immediate family is small and we are very close. The final
celebration of our loved ones life needed to be as special as he was to us. The
decisions had clarity, were made swiftly, and consumed our lives for the better
part of two weeks. When you lose someone, the plans do not take care of themselves;
often a funeral home will take care of that part for you. We knew immediately,
our family would plan this day and as MOM and the event planner of the family I
took the helm to begin planning. How does one plan a Celebration of Life? The outline below shows you just that. You
don’t have to read through the process if it’s not your thing, but there are
some things I feel important to share and for anyone facing the dilemma of this
task I hope my notes will bring a source of help to you during this difficult
time. This is a time when we don’t think clearly, life is a blur, and we are
trying to come to terms with the unimaginable…the loss of a loved one.
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| 2016 Jack-o-lanterns by BJ, Cheyenne, & Teri |
Steps
to Plan a Celebration of Life
1.
Find a venue
2.
Theme
3.
Plan the menu
4.
Invitations
5.
Decorations
6.
Celebration brochure
7.
Event Insurance
8.
The Help
1.
The venue. There are some questions you need to ask
yourself.
a.
What is the most fitting for the guest of honor.
Yes, they are the guest of honor. They are the reason you are coming together.
They are the life you are celebrating. They are THE GUEST OF HONOR.
b.
What kind of gathering do you imagine? Will it be
small and intimate? Will it be large and spacious? Will it be in between? That might be best answered by: how many
guests do you anticipate? For my
situation, I knew we could be at least 200 and upwards of 250. We ended up with
250-ish. My son is a country boy at heart, a modern day redneck, a bonfire kind of guy so this meant I wanted
something lodge-like, a country feel. Don't forget it needed adequate parking
and space for up to 300 guests. Portland
is big, but the challenge was set. Four days later I found the perfect place. You might think that didn't take long, but it
took four days of multiple phone calls, site visits, emails, and the
persistence of three of us. So four days seemed long to us!
c.
How many guests do you project? You might get an idea by the responses to
emails, texting, social media. It really is a guessing game, at best.
d.
How much parking do you need? Will people
carpool?
e.
Will you have travelers? Traveling via cars,
airplane? Do you need hotel accommodations in the area?
f.
Will you need a food prep area?
g.
Will you be serving any liquor? Not all places
allow that or can accommodate that. If you are serving liquor you are required
to carry a special insurance policy and to have a licensed bartender to serve.
This is an Oregon State requirement. Check your state for their requirements.
2.
The theme. Will you have a theme? For us, the Guest of
Honor dictated our theme. Green; his favorite color was green, his Willy's is
green, money is green…well, you get the idea.
3.
The menu.
a.
Will you be providing a meal? Appetizers? Desserts?
Beverages? You will need to figure that out.
b.
Will food be catered? Will there need to be prep
space at the venue?
c.
Will you ask for potluck?
4.
The invitation. We kept it simple…social media and word of
mouth. It was open to all who knew my son.
5.
The décor. This can be what you make it. For me it was lots
of pictures. I wanted to share his life, his beautiful, well-lived life with
everyone. He was an artist and not many people knew that. We displayed his
artwork. We displayed his love of his 56 Willy truck. We displayed his love of
family. We displayed his remains.
6.
The brochure. I wanted something that spoke something about my
son. I chose a "This is BJ's Story" theme. A niece helped me find the
idea. I started writing…started with his birth and ended…well with the end of
his life. I highlighted things that I thought were important, things that
shaped him into the person he had become, and the person that was loved by so
many. It was a simple half-fold card style with his story on the inside pages.
The front was simple; his name, his picture, dates of existence…all with a
beautiful green background. The back was a light-hearted, sentiment telling his
loved ones to love him, but let him go…I signed it by my son. This would be the message he would want to
give them.
a.
You may not have a program to do this yourself
and that is ok. You might know someone that can. There are suppliers online.
Make it what you want it.
7.
The insurance.
It's
called Event Insurance. Save yourself headaches and buy it online, print the
document and give it to the facility. It is inexpensive; less than $130. It's a
million dollar policy and well worth it.
8.
The help. Delegate! You do not need and you should not do
this alone.
a.
Areas where you can delegate is anything that you
are not capable of doing. It is either too painful, it's not your area of
expertise, it will consume too much of your physical time. Start by choosing
what you WILL do and delegate the rest. People are happy to help because they
want to do something for you in your time of crisis. Let them! You are no
lesser a person for not doing it all.
b.
I am an event planner and a creative designer so
I knew I would organize everything, be the decision maker, and design the room
layout, his Life Brochure, and décor needs. The rest I delegated, but what did
that look like?
i.
Menu: That was easy. We decided on a theme
fitting for the Guest of Honor. He loved Mexican food, Bacon, and Coors
Light. That might seem like an odd
combination, but it made perfect sense to us and it came together beautifully.
We provided most of the Mexican items and Coors Light; we had guests bring
their favorite Bacon themed appetizer or dessert. We had more food than you
could possibly imagine! I delegated a
niece as Head Chef; she organized where/when items were to be purchased and she
ran the show that day. She was an angel sent to me!
ii.
Venue: As I already mentioned, I had two people
that were helping me find the perfect venue. Even though the family made the
final decision, they did the leg work, phone calls, emails, etc.
iii.
Out of town guests: my niece found accommodations
close to the venue and even though we couldn't get a discounted rate, the rate
was doable.
iv.
Liquor: A no-brainer you think? Well, we had to
find a bartender and so another niece took on this task. She coordinated all
details with the bartender; including the fee, location, and times. My other
son was in charge of getting the kegs there. The venue was fully equipped with
a bar area, taps, ice, etc. This made
the venue perfect in its own right. Did I mention it had a full kitchen and
serving area as well?
v.
Décor: I took on this task with the help of
family and friends. One of my sons best friends works for a party décor place
and they provided all the linens and serve ware that was needed for the day. A
gem and a huge relief for me. Tables were provided by the venue and they would
do the set up to my specifications. For a small fee they did the tear down and
clean up too!
If you have read through this and are planning a
service for your loved one, my prayers are with you during this difficult time.
If you have any questions please reach out to me through the “Contact Mom” link
and I will be happy to help you through your journey. If you know of someone that can benefit from
this blog post or any other blog post please share freely and often.
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