Christmas Traditions

I love Christmas! BJ and Bryan always enjoyed the Christmas Magic mom created in our home this time of year. The lighted village in the fireplace, the designer Victorian tree or the flocked tree with all purple decorations, the throw pillows covered in Christmas fabric, the many different flavors of baked goodies…but, their favorite thing by far was their dad bringing home a heaping pickup load of fresh snow from the mountain so they could have a “White Christmas”. We had a huge fir tree in the middle of our front yard and every year it donned bright lights from the tip top to the bottom and a big bright star at the top. Our little family of four would decorate the outdoors, from the BIG tree to each bush, the eaves, and each window; usually on the Saturday after Thanksgiving…rain or shine! And, most of the time it was dark when we were finished. Mom snuck in early to warm up and make hot cocoa for her little elves…and the BIG elf too! As important as decorating was on those days it was equally as important to warm the decorating crew from the inside out immediately after their task was complete. We would sit on the sofa and enjoy the fruits of our labor, while enjoying the yummy hot cocoa! The boys knew it was only a matter of time until there would be snow under that tree and we would have a white Christmas.

I’m thankful that in the midst of my loss, I can sit in my office looking out my window at BJ’s Forever Christmas Tree and so vividly remember the days of their youth and how this time of year was special for our family. The Christmas Spirit that Bill and I provided them carried with them as adults. As a parent it is magical to watch your kids perform their own grandeurs of Christmas; whether it is stories of going to the woods for a fresh cut tree or carrying on the tradition of getting each of their kids a new and personal ornament to hang on the tree each year. It warms a parent’s heart to know that you DID make a difference in their childhood, you did instill ethics and morals, you did provide them with traditions they will continue to carry on to their children.

2017 Ornaments

For us, BJ’s time was cut short and he doesn’t get the time to carry on traditions with his daughter. And truth be told, she may forget much about her dad by the time she reaches her mid-teens. I don’t mean to hurt anyone by saying that, but family…friends, it is the truth. Cheyenne will forget many things, but she will never forget her daddy and how much he loved her or how much she loves him.  Carrie as her mom, me as her grandma, and Bryan as her uncle must be the ones that continue to keep his memory with her. She will want that and she will need that. One day, as a young adult, she will look back and say, “I lost my dad when I was only six years old, but I still knew him growing up because he lived in my heart.” Ok, maybe not those exact words! J  The point is…it is up to the living to keep the memory alive of those that have gone before us and the children need us to do that; it is our duty.

This year, I will finally finish BJ’s stocking and it will hang with the rest of the family stockings. I feel sad that I did not get it done while he was alive, but he would say, “Mom, it’s just a stocking!”  Bryan, on the other hand, is still patiently waiting for his childhood scrapbook!

2016: New Ornament for BJ

His beloved '56 Willies Pickup

I am thankful that I feel Christmas Magic in my season again this year. I look forward to having Cheyenne visit for a few days. I have lots of plans!!! Cookie baking, gift wrapping, parties, and Christmas lights…oh my!

If this is your first Christmas without your loved one my advice is to do only what you want to do. It is a difficult time. Your heart is aching and your brain is trying to come to terms with what has happened. You may not feel like putting up a tree or even recognizing the season, but don’t forget the reason for the season; Christ’s Birthday. Give it to God and let him provide peace and healing.

On the other hand, you may want to be surrounded by family and friends, you may want to put up a tree, you may want to enjoy the hustle and bustle of the mall. There is no right way or wrong way to grieve; there is just grief and you. Handle each day as you can and remember to get up and get dressed.