Taking Care of Business

Friday morning; hot coffee, sunshine, windows open, the sound of neighbors doing yardwork in the background. Finally, some peace in this week. If only for a little while, I get to enjoy some time to listen to the birds chirping, leaves blowing in the wind, and yes…lawn mowers and leaf blowers. The week started with Willy's 8th Birthday party and surrounded by my lovely little family. Monday roared in with the anticipation of the much commercialized Total Solar Eclipse…which had me wondering how and what BJ would think of it as he lived in Prineville…Ground Zero (so to speak) for Oregon. Would he have hated all the traffic taking over their otherwise quiet community? Surely…he did not like traffic and certainly not in Prineville! Ahhh, but the flipside to that is…he did like people…but not too many…but he was a friendly sole. I imagine him strolling into the market to pick up some beer and head home away from the people and yet at the same time have conversations with strangers as he was in the store. Finding out where they were from, how long they were here, and possibly even mentioning he thought they were crazy! LOL  But…on the flipside…that boy of mine had a mind that wouldn't stop, a mind that was quick and clever, a mind that would figure out the best way for him to deal with the situation. I even began to imagine that if he and Carrie were still married, still lived together near the reservoir…he would have tried to talk her into renting out campsites to strangers. Not only for the mighty dollar, (maybe mostly that! 😉) but to meet people from all over and have their own Eclipse Party.  But more to his nature…and Carrie's too…they would've invited all their friends and family up for the weekend…or week…to have a real down home party campout with a sight of the Eclipse! But the reality is…they would have been divorced by now, he isn't on earth, and so life goes on.

Things quieted down on Tuesday; I was preparing for a small routine and necessary over the age of 50, procedure on Thursday. My diet was being predicted by the procedure, but all in all a quiet work week. By Thursday night the storm had rolled through and here I sat, having another emotional meltdown. Grief has been no stranger in my life the past three years; I have lost four loved ones and am at the risk every single day of losing more. We all are, we just don't realize it or think about it and that really is best.

When Rich died, things became real. I realized I am now not only a single parent…I am the only parent. I have no choice but to do this right. There are no second chances in parenting and there are no second chances in how you live your life. Make no mistake…we all have second chances at doing things and we can give others a second chance…but we do not get a second chance at living our life as a whole. Rich helped build Dillon's foundation, but it is up to me to construct him into adulthood. It is up to me to make the best decisions for his well-being, for his life, and to know that I am making decisions that are pleasing to God and to his dad. That is not always easy and it does not always keep a harmonious home. I make the decisions that I know, as a teenager, he may not like, but I make them for him. Losing his dad and knowing I am it; I am all he has now also made me realize that I needed to put in place a plan if that unthinkable thing happened to me and my son was left an orphan.  That, my friends, is one of the most unbearable thoughts I have faced. I can never tell my child, "It will be ok. I am not going anywhere."  I cannot promise that to him. I can promise that I will do my best to make sure his future is handled should that happen. And we have learned to pray that it is God's will to keep me on earth at least until he is an adult. That, is something I can do…I can pray that and I do.  Have you set up your plan if the "what if" happens to you or your family? Do you have a Will? Do you have guardianship in place? Do you have backup guardianship in place? Do you have Life Insurance? These are all very minor things that make a major difference. Don't wait because you are not promised tomorrow.

These past couple of weeks I was reminded of just how many places BJ was in my life, my future plans, my "what if something happens to me". Of course when he died, I updated my Will and my Life Insurance; but Heaven forbid I did not even think of some of the other things…the POD. (Payable on Death) on my bank account, the ICE (In Case of Emergency) with my doctor or on hospital records, or how about my Advanced Directive? Nope…none of those things did I think of!

I was having a lovely time in the beautiful and quaint community of Ashland last week, when I was going to do something I had not done before…"mobile" deposit a check into my bank account through my app. Well, it told me that my account was "not eligible for mobile deposit"! What!?  Why not? I tried it twice or three times, I really don't remember now…but believe you me, I got on the phone to find out why!  Well, after a somewhat lengthy conversation and a few "hold times" it was discovered that the bank branch in Prineville had put a hold on that part of my account because William McCormick Jr. was listed as one POD and is now deceased. Are you kidding me? How could this be? He was not a signer, was not on the account, and was only listed if something happened to me.  I still have no idea how or why they put a hold on my account (for mobile deposit) because my son was gone. BTW: I was able to do everything else with my account. Regardless…the hold is removed and one more place I never even thought about my updating.  Later that day, as I was still enjoying time with my sister, another phone call ensued…to update my medical information for the upcoming procedure. All was going fine…until…they started reading off my ICE…Bryan, William, Linda. I guess that was just too much for me that day. I hung up the phone and just couldn't hold back the tears any longer. How many places do I have BJ listed? How can this be…ten months and still so painful? As I lay in the hospital yesterday, waiting for the procedure, and once again going over records…there it was…one more place…the Advanced Directive. 

It's all of these things that we don't think about. Please…think about them! If you have lost someone, think about all these things. Change or update while you feel composed so they are not the little surprise they might be. If you have not lost someone and you have not set your plan…do so; please…for your family. They will be grieving and they will need to know that you cared enough to take care of them while you were with them for when you no longer are.

So, as I sit here on this beautiful sunny morning in Oregon, sipping my coffee…I am once again in a peaceful place. I am looking forward to adventuring out this weekend with Dillon. I am anticipating spending some time with my beautiful and spunky granddaughter over the next several days.  Even though you are gone BJ, and missed terribly…we are learning to live life without you; one tear at a time.