Triggers

There is nothing much better than time spent with family. After death, everything and everyone become much more precious. I have spent the past few days with my granddaughter, BJ's daughter. She brings us so much joy. It has been over ten months since I lost my son…and since she lost her daddy. I can't even tell you the dynamics of losing an adult child, let alone losing one that has a child of their own. It is heartbreaking for me, but not near the heartache I feel for her. We don't talk about it. We don't ignore it. We just keep that person in our everyday life and understand that there are many things that remind us of them. Cheyenne is no different; she notices pictures of her dad or things that remind her of him. She comments and continues about her day. All in all, we try to keep her visits normal and do things we've always done...shopping, movies, swimming, and art...we love art and being creative!

Fun times with the Princess of Prineville!

Uncle Dillon helped her make a piece of art.

Grandma only spoiled her "a little". :)

After going through this with my youngest son, I believe that a child going through grief should be able to steer their own journey and they will. They will talk about their lost one or they won't. My son had a tendency to keep it bottled up until the moment when we were in the middle of a disagreement and then he would let loose. At times I even wondered if he used that moment to make me feel bad. But I soon realized that these times were simply "triggers". It was in those moments he couldn't keep his grief contained any longer. He wasn't trying to make me feel bad or get "his way" in a disagreement. He just merely couldn't contain the pain any longer and our disagreement and the pain of us not getting along "triggered" the anxiety of his loss and he basically "let loose". And I let him. They are children. They don't understand what they are feeling and they don't know how to talk about it like adults do. They don't need us to "fix it". They just need us to let them express their feelings as they are happening. As parents, or even as grandparents, we want to "fix" whatever we can for our littles. We want them happy and when they aren't we hurt for them. It is our nurturing nature to want to take their pain away, but grief is one pain we can't take away. Just like adults, they will find their way.  In the meantime, love them, hold them, pray for them, and let them know they are not alone.